Hi Lovelies....

Hi Lovelies....

March 29, 2008

Dimanakah Erti Kekeluargaan...



Visited granny's grave this morning.... sayu... sedih... pilu
the grave is so messy... old... abandoned... quiet... empty
suddenly recalled all the memories... memories about the late granny....from how she treat us... how she differentiate us... how she despite mum... how she differentiate her love to dad and his siblings... until how she suffers at the end of her life dengan sakit tua and nyanyuk... not to mention amnesia also... smile, tears, angry... semuanya bercampur aduk... ada masa ku tersenyum mengingatkan cerita2 dan telatah arwah... ada masa aku menangis mengenang kesakitan yang dia alami... ada masa aku marah dgn cerita2 lampau tentang dia... how she treat mum, how she differentiate dad with his siblings..

melihat kuburnya yang saban minggu kami lawati... sayu... sedih...pilu... kemana pergi semua cucu2 kesayangannya yang selalu dibangga2kan dulu... kemana abg2 sepupu dan kakak2 sepupu yang selalu arwah embah megahkan dulu? melihat keadaan kubur yg spt tidak terusik sptmana yg kami tinggalkan... aku tahu...aku sedar... tiada siapa yang peduli utk melawat kubur embah... kesian dia... cucu2 yang dia sayang dulu takder sorg pon yg peduli lg dgn dia... mmg sejak dia sakit...sejak kami sekeluarga yang menjaga dan merawat dia... susah nk lihat ada cucunya yang dtg menjenguk dan melawat wpun tika itu dia sudah nazak... tiada yang peduli... wajah2 hipokrit mereka hanya kulihat ketika arwah sudah pergi... pergi buat selamanya... plg memilukan bila bukan cucu2 kesayangannya yang berpeluh2, bercampur tanah masuk keliang lahat utk sama2 mengebumikannya... suami slh seorg cucu kesayangannya dan adik2ku yang berhempas pulas... they dont even fucking bother to volunteered to give a hand to help... sedih...pilu melihat keadaan itu...

orang kata itu adalah bahagian beliau yg Allah berikan sesuai dgn amalannya ketika hidup... mungkin benar... mungkin ada kesilapan yg arwah lakukan dahulu.. tp itu bukan sebabnya utk membenarkan kuburnya tidak dilawati walaupun ketika hari raya... sedih hati mengenangkan segalanya... ada yang menyimpan duit ayahku kononnya nak membina kubur yg lbh elok...dgn dinding2 kecil batu.. tp smpi skrg duit tak pulang2.. kubur msh messy mcm dulu... I can bet...he dont even know the exact location of his own mother's grave.
lbh sedih mengingatkan bgmana jadinya hubungan ayah dgn keluarganya... that old men seperti dibuang keluarga... yang sana kecik hati sbb tak dpt tanah.. yg sinun sj mengelak sbb nk kaut tanah sorg2.. yg situ mengelak sbb taknak pulangkan hak mutlak ayah... ada jugak yang sengaja buat tak tahu slps menipu kami semata2 krn sekangkang tanah... what is it with tanah la dey? aku tau la korg mampos nanti msk tanah gak... nk prepare tanah kubur awal2 ker yg dok kecoh pasal tanah ni? mentang2 la pakcik korg yg satu ni mmg tak pedulik dgn tanah2 dia... geran tanah n hak sendiri pon sanggup tak amik blk dr bekas kakak ipar...
Kasihan dgn ayah... I can see how he's being fooled by his own family... people that he trust.. people that he loves... at the end, everybody keep betraying him.. keep pushed him away... fighting over some shitty land.... greedy..self centered...
plg menyakitkan hatiku bila tiba hari raya... nobody came to visit him, their own fresh blood uncle...not even his own nieces and nephews that he used to love so much... support them not only with moral support but also with money support... those yang my dad sanggup ambil tinggal sama, give money when they need...give shelters, helps them when they faced financial problems... be there for support when nobody from ur own family come to your graduation ceremony. He did that because of his deepest love to his late favourite brother.. he never ungkit2 apa yang dia buat.. but I know all this because I can see everything.. I understand and know what happen in front of me... and so dissappointed with all that he has gone through after what he has done for his nieces and nephews.

I know... people keep talking at our back about our family.. I hv heard about all this shitty people accused mum as "Queen Control" ... (which is the major BULLSHIT!!)mmg dr dulu lagi...ntah kenapa semuanya seolah2 sengaja mengada2kan cerita tentang ibu.. ibu control duit ayah... ibu control pergerakan ayah... ibu taknak balik Perak, asyik nk balik JB jer.. and all those craps... they dont know anything... they love to gossipping... (take note Enchek Fiancee.. this is why I dont like to stay at village and flat environment!!). They dont realized the reality... how ibu always ajak ayah balik kampung... even until now, walaupun embah dah tak ada... and everybody seems throwing him away.. and if u really have 2 beautiful eyes.. see yourself if is it true mum is the one who keep control ayah's money? keep tahan dia dr nk blk kampung? dey... tgk dulu la sebelum kau merapek mcm tu!!!

but being ayah... he knows how people treating him.. how people keep shitting mum... he refused to go back his hometown.. he felt alone... nobody treat him as before... sampai raya pon tak dijengah langsung pakcik yang sorg ini.. what more he can say? walhal, bukannya tak ada nieces n nephews yg tinggal kt KL ni... ada jer yg kat cheras.. puchong.. bkt jalil... bukit antarabangsa n putrajaya (as if they still have face??)

he loves being around mum's family. everyone sayang dia... treat him as he is... no grudge.. no saya-tamakkan-tanah-awak things... kdg2 bilabalik johor, ziarah rumah2 cousins2 ibu.. people will asking about dad first.. "Din mana? Din tak datang?" kdg2.. ada yang ingat ayah dr ibu, their own cousin... he loves that... dia rasa dihargai... eventhough its not his own blood...own family...

Now... as my wedding is just around the corner... I hv doubt... doubt of inviting those people... especially those yang have debt with us... those who used to trick and membuat-penipuan-sampai-ibu-kena-tanggung!! I hate all these people... they know who they are... wont mention who r they here... and as u know Kak Chik.. I feel want to muntah darah when you sindir2 I dont invite you for my engagement ceremony.. as if I have to invite you la kan, after what u have done to us? NO WAY!! I dont even want to invite you for my wedding kalau tak mengenangkan kata2 ayah, whatever it is u r still dad's niece. U n ur bro... after all that u hv done to us? after all the problems that u hv created for us? msh ada muka nk dijemput? cess... sgt kelakar ok... unless u pay back all ur debts to mum n release mum from all those shitty debts with banks and the most important, melutut-meminta-maaf to mum after all those bullshit that you have throw to my family.. I will throw all those grudge away... sgt malu utk memperkenalkan keluarga ini pada bakal suamiku okeh...

Sometimes I'm wondering... what is family values? dimanakah erti kekeluargaan? sepatutnya, dah tua2 mcm nilah ayah dikelilingi oleh sanak saudara... anak2 saudara yang tahu sedar diri... tahu kenang budi... tahu erti kekeluargaan... sedih mengenang nasib ayah... sgt sedih...

I hope... big hopes... this things will never happen between me n my siblings... we must keep our relationship bondded no matter what... we must make sure of that... lets pray...

I wrote this for my own satisfaction... sick of thinking about it... sick of discussing about family problems with mum hence we didnt get any solutions for it... boring... I dont intend to curse or tujukan this entry to anybody... just telling y'all how I felt... its so hard to just keep it in my heart... so... kalau ada sesiapa yg termakan cili tu... maaflah yer... tak berniat nk menyinggung sesiapa... mungkin berniat nk menyedarkan org yg terasa dia berslaha jer la kot... (keji tak? huhuhu) oh ya... in case kalau ada yang terasa dgn kenyataan saya disini... sila harap maklum... BLOG INI ADALAH MILIK SAYA... HAK PERIBADI SAYA...TEMPAT SAYA MELUAHKAN PERASAAN... SEBARANG PERASAAN-SAYA-TERLUKA-DENGAN-KENYATAAN-ANDA SAMA SEKALI TIDAK AKAN DILAYAN!! APA SAJA INISIATIF UNTUK MENGENAKAN SAYA SEMULA DENGAN MEMPRINT ENTRY INI LALU MENUNJUKKAN PD ORG YG RASA2NYA TERLIBAT, SAYA TIDAK AKAN BERTANGGUNGJAWAB SAMA SEKALI. SAYA HANYA AKAN MENGANGGAP ANDA SETUJU DENGAN PERNYATAAN SAYA DAN MENDECLARE BAHAWASANYA ANDALAH ORANG YANG SAYA MAKSUDKAN DALAM ENTRY INI!!JADI... SILALAH MALU SENDIRI SEBELUM MENGENAKAN SAYA SEMULA... KERANA ANDALAH ORANG YANG SAYA CARI.... HAHAHAHAHAHA.....
Ok2... stop with all this emo-emo thingy... puas dh hati membebel n emosi sendiri...citer benda lain la plak.. lamer2 pikir benda ni...satu habuk pun tak jalan keje lain kn...Oh ya... I'm now addicted to this Korean Drama series... watch it at MySoju. sgt kelakar n menghayat hati ok cerita ini... best2...


Choi Gi Chan is an University Botanic Professor with the "perfect genes." The
drama is about an editor of a fashion magazine, Kim Dang Ja, who suddenly
develops an urge to have her own baby despite opposing the idea of marriage. The
story will talk about Dang Ja striving to look for a man with perfect genes to
accomplish her mission. Gi Chan happens to be her "target" in order for her to
accomplish her mission. The story later develops as Dang Ja must persuade him to
do it without any commitments, which is a problem because Gi Chan doesn't
believe in the idea of sex before marriage.

lets layan this drama... huhuhuhuhu...


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2 comments:

  1. hi dieyra...

    im sarah. selamat berkenalan =)
    i dkt bkt wangsamas nearby seksyen 5. what about u?

    ohh good to know ur problem's settled =)
    yeap my wedding's in july. panic kan? i pon tgh panic ni... byk tak settle lg.
    anyhow, good luck on ur wedding nnt. later boleh laa u cite2 experience u plan ur wedding hehe

    take care...

    ReplyDelete
  2. wooo sungguh tragis..
    mcm dlm drama lak kisah ko ni..
    mula2 aku pk.. xpela durra saba aje laa..tp bile pk blk kalo x kne pd diri kite sendiri mmg kite x rs.

    psl jemputan kahwin tu ko jemput je..lama2 nnt diorg tu malu sendiri ngn perbuatan diorg sblm ni.

    ReplyDelete

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